Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Trouble is, when you find Week 271 in the Post’s archives, you get an entirely different result -- a challenge to come up with Yogi Berra type-malapropisms. (Check it out. It is also very funny!)
How did the Mensa Invitational myth get started? Your guess is as good as mine. I don’t think this list as a whole ever appeared in the paper. I was able to find a couple of the words among the winners of Week 278. But if you google “Mensa Invitational,” you’ll find quite a number of blogs enthusiastically promoting it. The 2009 winning entries also come up as the winning entries of the 2007 and 2008 Mensa Invitational. At least someone is updating this email before forwarding it.
So what’s the big deal about a little harmless Internet fun? In this case, really not that much. But it does demonstrate a problem becoming more and more prevalent.
The Internet is an amazing tool, filled with an incredible amount of information. But it also is rapidly filling up with an incredible amount of misinformation. I can’t tell you the number of emails we receive presenting claims that are just out and out wrong. When it’s a joke or something humorous, it may not be a big deal.
But when the statements are of a political, social or religious nature sent with the purpose of inciting whoever receives them, they are at the very least annoying -- and at their worst -- dangerous. Too many among us seem willing to disseminate erroneous statements masquerading as facts without a second thought as to their validity. It is particularly frustrating when the information can often be verified or disproved with only a few minutes of research.
So I ask everyone to tap into his or her inner Mensa. The next time you’re tempted to forward an email because it contains something that’s pushed a particular button, take a few minutes, check it out, and see how much truth it really contains. What you learn may actually calm you down. And whatever you do, don’t believe everything you read or, for that matter, see on the Internet. (And though I try my best to dig up the facts before I write about anything, I am not infallible, so present company included!)
Oh, and before I forget... here’s the list.
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The second part of the The Washington Post’s yearly challenge ask for submissions of alternate meanings for common words.
1. Coffee (n.): The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.): Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate (v.): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.): Impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.): Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.): To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.): Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.): Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.): A rapidly receding hairline..
11. Testicle (n.): A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n.): A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.): The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
