The baseball world was rocked this week by the suspension of Manny Ramirez.  After testing positive for human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) - a substance banned as a “performance enhancer” under baseball’s drug policy -- Ramirez was tossed out for 50 games.  He opted not to appeal the decision when the prescription for the hormone,  often used to treat infertility in women, showed up on his medical records.

 

To say this is a disappointment is an understatement.  It certainly put a buzz kill on the best Dodger season start in recent history.  Manny let down his team, his fans and the whole game itself.  But will this have much effect on baseball?  Probably as much as the past revelations of “performance-enhancing” use.  In other words, it will be long forgotten by the time September rolls around and everyone’s caught up in pennant fever.  If the Dodgers are in the hunt, no one will care about Manny’s suspension.   If they fall apart, you know who’s going to get all the blame.  It’s as simple, and sad, as that.

 

Anti-doping experts cite that the top reason HCG is usually used by a ball player is to replenish testosterone after a cycle of steroid use.  Manny hinted that he took the prescription because of sexual performance issues.  Is there really any excuse?  Of course not.  He knows he did something stupid and there’s nothing else to do but lie low and ride out the storm.  But since, at the very least, Manny’s actions deserve to be ridiculed, here are some mischievousness suggestions for excuses as to why he was taking a female hormone drug.

 

Was trying to make the baggy pants fit better

 

You know those four out of five doctors who always agree?  Manny went to the fifth doctor.

 

Was trying to use his feminine side to baffle opposing pitchers

 

Excuses!  We don’t need no stinkin’ excuses.

 

Had totally misinterpreted the “Mannywood” slogan and was trying to live up to the hype

 

You think hair like that grows that way on its own?

 

Drew the number 13 in the locker pool of how many home games the Dodgers would win in a row

 

Wanted to be “mas macho” than Alex Rodriguez

 

Was trying to get back in the game... if you know what I mean!

 

Was told that Octomom went eight for eight and said that’s good enough for him

 

Hey, anyone can get caught taking steroids.  It takes a real man to get busted for HCG.

 

His erection was only lasting three and a half hours.