In another sign that Hollywood is becoming completely void of creativity, it was recently announced that Paramount Pictures is teaming with Mattel Toys to develop a feature film about the Magic 8-Ball.
That’s right... that little toy you had as a kid that was amusing for about a minute and a half is coming to the big screen. Who could have predicted that? Screenwriters have been hired. Mattel execs will executive produce. And I’m sure you’re already logging into Fandango to pre-order your ticket.
Me? I figure if the film powers-that-be will shell out cash for something this innocuous, it’s my duty to help them out. So, for all you savvy movie producers out there looking for the next Magic 8-Ball, here’s my roster of film ideas that I’m sure will do as well, if not better.
And the best part? There are no Mattel executives attached!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Skillet: The Movie
Pitch: It’s a cross between Iron Man and breakfast
Tagline: The egg isn’t the only thing getting fried!
Bubble Gum: The Movie
Pitch: It’s Die Hard in your mouth
Tagline: For once in his life he didn’t want to blow it!
Deck of Cards: The Movie
Pitch: It’s a cross between The Hangover and your weekly poker night
Tagline: It’s time to get dealt a winning hand!
Eye Glasses: The Movie
Pitch: It’s a cross between Blindness and LensCrafters
Tagline: For the first time, he was finally seeing things clearly!
Socks: The Movie
Pitch: It’s The Running Man, but faster
Tagline: Feet don’t fail me now!
Golf Tee: The Movie
Pitch: It’s a cross between Caddyshack and the driving range
Tagline: This wasn’t the kind of foursome he had in mind!
Sandpaper: The Movie
Pitch: It’s a cross between Are We Done Yet? and a trip to Home Depot
Tagline: Things are about to get rough!
Corkscrew: The Movie
Pitch: It’s a cross between Sideways and a bottle of Two-Buck Chuck
Tagline: It’s an opening you’ll never forget!
Wall Calendar: The Movie
Pitch: It’s a cross between Groundhog Day and a Hallmark Store
Tagline: Can I pencil you in?
Tricycle: The Movie
Pitch: It’s Wild Hogs with three year olds.
Tagline: If there was one thing he hated, it was being the third wheel!
What do you think? Surefire hits? If only I had a Magic 8-Ball.
